The Pants of JUDGMENT

You know how some of your pants have a little stretch in them? A little grace for those bad days weeks, where you can still fit in your pants, although you are acutely aware of their changed fit?

Then you have the pants with no grace, the pants that don't stretch at ALL.

Well, I have a pair of these pants. I call them the Pants of Judgment. When they are loose, I rejoice. When they are tight, I immediately eat healthy and exercise put on stretchy pants, feel gross and fat, and vow to start my diet tomorrow.

I put these pants on today. I have been judged, my friends. I have been judged.

My body actually can lose weight

But only if I RELIGIOUSLY follow a diet. Here's what I have been doing for the past 7 days. (7 days is a long time when you like to eat as much as I do, and when the size of your behind requires one bazillion calories to keep going.)

- Follow Weight Watchers (OLD) plan. The new one doesn't work for me. Tried it for 3 weeks, lost 1.5 pounds. I'm not dieting for kicks, people. Gotta see results or I'm OUT.

- Exercised (mostly walking, some running) 5 of the past 7 days

- No sugar or refined carbs...followed this like 95% of the time

- No alcohol. Not that I have a problem with it, but I have ONE drink and immediately stop caring about what I eat. It's like magic.

- Little to no carbs with dinner

- NO eating after dinner

- Lots of water

And that's it. And this morning, the beginning of week 2, I really hesitated to get on the scale. I can tell a difference in my body, but I would have been SO disappointed if I had only lost one pound. Plus, it's always good to weigh after a big poop (YES I did just say that! But it's true and you know it!) and my fingers felt swollen, blah blah blah.

BUT I did it. I stepped on the scale and tried to give myself a pep talk (in my head, I'm not THAT crazy) as I did it. Because there's really not much else I could have done to step it up. And...wait for it...wait for it...

7 POUNDS. In one week. That is crazy. And I love that kind of crazy. I know it won't happen every week, and I still have, like, a first grader to lose, but it's a darn good start.

I was walking yesterday, thinking about this whole dieting thing. I am always. ALWAYS on a diet. Or cheating on one. Or taking a break from one. And I still hang out within the same 10 pound range. So I was thinking, since I diet until I can take a day off, or until I take some time off...and it's obviously not working, maybe I should re-think things.

Considering the metabolism that I have (horrible) I should probably just decide if I'd rather eat what I want, or lose weight. And really, I think I'd rather lose weight. Once I get on a roll, maybe I'll take a cheat day or meal a week. That seems reasonable to me.

So there. I will just put that out there, for the world to see. Week 2 annnd GO.